


From Me to You, With Love and Loathe

by thelittlelioness



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Epistolary, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 04:47:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3161765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelittlelioness/pseuds/thelittlelioness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a series of letters dated from 1998 to 2001, Draco Malfoy has what are, at first, one-sided conversations with Harry Potter. He doesn't know why he keeps writing, but somehow it makes the isolation of running away less bitter. Eventually, Draco learns how to stop hiding, and Harry learns how to forgive without judgement, connecting them in a strange new way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	From Me to You, With Love and Loathe

5 July 1998

Potter,

They’re after me.

The Ministry froze the Malfoy family assets, and I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere with just my owl and my schoolbag from Hogwarts. I’ve got all my advanced potions assignments, but no food or extra clothes or money.

If you see my mother, can you give this to her? My father's surely headed to Azkaban; she's all I’ve got left, now.

Malfoy

~

17 July 1998

Potter,

I can’t say where I am, but I’m safer here, away from the Ministry officials. I neglected to mention this in my last correspondence due to hastiness, but I do have my wand with me. I am able to perform magic without being tracked in any sort of way.

I was able to sneak an issue of the Prophet off an outdoor table at a cafe. I read that my father has implicated several Death Eaters and has therefore been given a pardon. It is just as well; after he fell from grace in the Dark Lord's eyes, he and my mother began to doubt and question their beliefs and affiliation in the war. As for me, well, a good Slytherin will always choose the side that's winning.

Nothing was mentioned of my mother. I do hope that she is still alive and well. I assume as much, since she never even had the Mark, but one can never be too cautious when it comes to loved ones. Can you see to it that she and my father are well? A fugitive’s dying wish?

Malfoy

~

29 November 1998

Potter,

You’ve likely wondered why I write you. Of all the insufferable Gryffindors, you were never the most unpleasant. Truthfully, it was Weasley and Weaslette and know-it-all Granger that made my blood boil. Perhaps I just hated you out of spite, or because you were the face of everything I was told I shouldn't believe in, or because you hated me, and it meant less if it was a mutual thing.

I have nothing to lose at this point, so I might as well tell you one thing. I never quite recovered from your rejection of friendship back when we were eleven. I was young, and you were Harry Potter. I was told I should despise you and then instructed to make friends with you, use you for my father’s goals. What I most wanted was to do as I was told and make my father proud, but all of that is in the past. Things are much more complex than I thought they were, and that's more because of juvenile naïveté than being sheltered. The dirty politics are not something I expected, but I'll just have to live with that, assuming I survive. I'm here, scared that I'll be giving up my freedom if I ever return, and you won. If only I’d picked up divination during my years of schooling; maybe if I’d foreseen this path of events, I’d have chosen differently.  

Malfoy

~

2 April 1999

Potter,

I’m not quite certain you’re getting these letters. I assume you want nothing to do with me, and rightly so. The Malfoy name has brought pain and misery to the Wizarding World, I’ve noticed, as well as prestiege.

Out of self preservation, I’ve had to live among Muggles recently. It’s strange to see how they go about daily life without magic, but I suppose I could adjust if it were absolutely necessary. It might be. They stay away from me, thankfully, and I go about life alone, which is for the better, really.

I’ve gotten a job. As a child, I always assumed I’d wind up at the Ministry. Blue-collared work was far too undignified a profession for a Malfoy. A few years later, I’d gathered that my role in life was to follow in my father’s footsteps as a loyal servicer of the Dark Lord. Anything else was out of the question. Now, I clean tables at a restaurant that sells pizza and Muggle beer. Greasy university students have to be forcibly removed every night because they're too intoxicated.

Everything is so vastly different than I ever thought it would be. I’m beginning to be okay with that. I’m not currently in the U.K., but upon my return, I think I’ll pay a visit to Aunt Andromeda. There are not many people left willing to give compassion or hospitality to someone with such an infamous name.

I have not been able to get my hands on any recent issues of the Prophet, but I have a horrid feeling that they have or will soon apprehend the Manor if they find too many dark objects there in their random inspections. My mother will have our family heirlooms taken care of, but I don't want to lose my childhood home. If you could see to that, it would mean a lot to me.

Malfoy

~

20 May 1999

Potter,

I wrote to Andromeda but have not received any sort of response. I can only assume the worst. She was shunned by the Blacks for marrying a Muggle, but it seems she doesn't want to communicate with other purebloods.

I don't expect you to fancy talking to my father, but if you could tell my mother that I love her and Father, I would appreciate it.

Malfoy

~

9 June 1999

Potter,

I was able to find the most recent Prophet, the one from June the fifth, my birthday. If I have such a large bounty on my head, why have you not turned these letters in for the Ministry to dissect?

It may be a while before the next letter. I have to disappear for some time.

Take care.

Malfoy

~

21 July 2000

Potter,

It was you all along.

It was you, that day in Diagon Alley when we were eleven. I wanted to be your best friend—not for my father, but for me. I already explained why I grew to antagonize you. Truthfully, it was Pansy’s unwanted affection for me that made me first question my feelings towards girls in fourth year, but it was you that solidified these revelations about myself the year after, as mortifying as that is. I’d insult you to keep from admitting to myself what I’m confessing to you now.

Perhaps it's because I was scared of you. Fifth year, not many students believed your claims that He was back, but I knew better, not that I said anything. Still, Dumbledore hung onto every word you said as if you were his pet. I was envious of that power you seemed to hold within Wizarding politics, and hindsight has shown me that it was more of a corrupt fixation, really, built on wrath and resentment and all the horrible things my father taught me. But I’m sure the world-famous Harry Potter has always had admirers dropping their knickers for some endearment.

What I’m trying to say is that I never meant what I said to you at Hogwarts. Maybe if we hadn’t ended up on opposite sides of this wretched war, things could have ended up differently. I like to think that, anyway.

Malfoy

~

22 July 2000

Potter,

I don’t have much time. America wasn’t as secure a location as I had thought it would be.

I need you to find my mother, find Andromeda; hell, find Pansy if she’s the only one left who will listen.

They’ve taken my wand and are currently searching through my possessions. I don’t have much time left at all.

If I die tomorrow, tell my parents one last time that I love them and that I’m sorry.

Potter, I’m sorry. I’m sorry it ended up this way.

Malfoy

~

25 July 2000

Mr. Potter,

We would like to inform you that Mr. Malfoy, Jr., is in Ministry custody. Enclosed are several letters we have intercepted from him addressed to you. We have contacted Mr. Malfoy’s mother, Narcissa Malfoy, and his estranged aunt, Andromeda Tonks.

Mr. Malfoy’s trial date is set for 11 August. If you are interested in testifying for or against Mr. Malfoy’s apprehension, please reply back to this notice. He is being charged with affiliation with Death Eaters.

Visiting with Mr. Malfoy is prohibited for the time being.

Amanda Alcott

Department of Magical Law Enforcement

Ministry of Magic

~

25 July 2000

Hermione,

I don’t know what to do, so I thought I’d owl you. Earlier today the DMLE sent me an owl saying that they have Malfoy and he’s got a hearing coming up. They only told me this because over the past couple years he’d been sending me letters. I’ve attached the copies of all of them. It’s clear that he liked me, but I don’t know. I don't really buy the whole "I was evil for five minutes to save my skin" thing. Can you analyze them in that academic way you do?

Harry

PS: Training is going well, if you were wondering. We're very close to finishing. Ron complains about it, but I know he doesn’t mind. I do hope that your training retreat is going well, too.

~

27 July 2000

Harry,

The retreat has been wonderful! I never thought I’d ever be interested in any job the DMLE has to offer, but I’ve really been enjoying myself.

I looked over the letters Malfoy sent to you, albeit hesitantly. They’re very private, Harry. I don’t think he would divulged those kind of secrets if he weren’t in such a vulnerable place.

At any rate, I do think he was being sincere. I’ll admit that even though so much has changed in the past two years, I still don’t hold a very high opinion of Malfoy. Ron had several long conversations with me last year about your decisions to allow the Ministry to let some of the Death Eaters off on looser terms, but I know you feel in your heart that’s what’s right. Don’t let anyone stop you from doing as you feel is right about Malfoy.

It wasn’t very surprising to learn that Malfoy had feelings for you. He never did have a girlfriend at Hogwarts, despite Parkinson practically ripping her clothes off for him. And, well, if was any bit as obsessed with you as you were obsessed with him…

I don’t really know what you wanted me to tell you, but I hope this helped. And, honestly, if you’re going to take your own advice, you should forgive him. I’ve heard enough of Ron’s complaints about your “fair punishment and moving on” philosophy for you to not stick to it.

Hermione

~

2 August 2000

Hermione,

Thanks for helping me. It’s just hard to believe, but weirder things have happened. (Like the time Ginny knew I was bisexual before I did, back before she moved to France.)

At first, I wasn’t going to get involved in the trial. Work is busy enough, but it always will be, I suppose. But I’ve been thinking about what you wrote. It would be hypocritical to back out now.

Part of me wants to forgive him because our hatred towards each other was built on one conversation from when we were eleven. You could argue that his cowardice prevented him from killing anyone or that he was never really a Death Eater since he had no choice in the matter. But he did let the Death Eaters in through the Vanishing Cabinet. That was all Malfoy. He says he chose what was, at one point, the winning side, but his intentions don't change his actions.

So I’m torn. 

Harry

~

11 August 2000

Potter testifies for Malfoy at the last Death Eater Trial

By Dani Augustine

After the Second Wizarding War came to close, many of Voldemort’s supporters fled the country, Draco Malfoy among them. While there was much public speculation as to his whereabouts, the Ministry of Magic Department of Magical Law Enforcement has been collecting owls sent by Malfoy to trusted ones.

Amanda Alcott, a supervising correspondent of the DMLE, says that they used the letters to track down his location. “He was a fugitive wanted by the Minister himself, so our interception of his personal letters was perfectly legal. He never stated exactly where he had been staying, but our intelligence workers were able to crack the code.”

Malfoy was found on 22 July in Cambridge, Massachusetts, United States. He was held in Ministry custody until his hearing in the Ministry’s London offices.

After a two-year absence, many were not surprised to see Malfoy back in the U.K. However, no one could have predicted that Harry Potter would be supporting him. Trusted sources tell us that Potter and Malfoy were the worst of enemies during their school years at Hogwarts. Aside from the Malfoys’ stance in the war, the two were Gryffindor and Slytherin in school, respectively.

All of that changed on Friday when Potter stood up before Minister Shacklebolt and the Wizengamot. While only just having completed his Auror Training, Potter’s rhetoric changed several minds.

Potter began with an anecdote. He told of a time, a few years before, when Potter and his friends ran into some trouble at Malfoy Manor. Malfoy, tasked with identifying the bodies that the Snatchers brought, was reluctant to do so. Later, at the Battle of Hogwarts, Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger saved Malfoy and Gregory Goyle from certain death by fiendfyre. Additionally, despite Lucius Malfoy's unparalleled hatred for Potter, his wife Narcissa showed Potter mercy when she saved his life by lying to You-Know-Who that same day.

Potter finished off his lengthy speech by reminding everyone that he grew up without parents and he wouldn't want anyone to experience the same. According to Potter's values, Malfoy, who recently turned twenty, should spend the rest of his youth with his parents, both of whom escaped punishment after the war. "We had to bury too many bodies during the war. Now it's time to build bridges instead of burn them," he concluded. Since then, Malfoy has returned to his family's home in Wiltshire.

For a full transcript of the hearing, see page 14B.

~

28 November 2000

Potter,

Owling you has become somewhat of a habit, although I can't think of any reason you'd care about what I have to say. Nevertheless, your award-winning speech in front of the Wizengamot did save me from serving time in Azkaban or paying a hefty fine, so I suppose I should thank you.

When I returned home, I was very quickly met with questions of my whereabouts of the last two years. I explained why I ran away, but as I justified my reasoning, it all seemed a bit foolish. How can I rationalize a fear of being persecuted when even my father, who was once in His inner circle, wasn't? And then I tried to prove it an act of self-preservation rather than cowardice, as my father put it, but I don't think it really was.

I felt I thought that I could start a new life, away from everyone I once knew. Muggles are vapid, but there are so many of them in America that they provide easy protection. I was done with answering to other people.  

But, like all things, it ended. And you....I thought I'd see you dead before I'd see you defend me. Mum's not surprised, though. Now, I'm not a religious man—no sensible pureblood is—so if fate is trying to tell me something, it can bloody well mind its own damn business. That being said, I do realize the error of my ways.

Malfoy

~

1 December 2000

Malfoy,

I don’t know if these letters were your strange way of courting me, but I don’t see any other reason you’d bother. You’re not running away from your own fears anymore; now you can live a safe, content life in the Manor and gorge yourself on as many bad shags and expensive hair products as you want. Things aren’t like they were when we were in school, but that doesn’t mean we’ve got to be best mates.

Fuck off.

Potter

~

5 December 2000

Potter,

I can see your vocabulary skills have improved, if your use of “gorge” and “courting” are anything to go by. I’m genuinely surprised the professors didn’t catch on to the fact that Granger wrote half your essays back in school. I can’t imagine what poor Professor Snape had to go through, reading through your dreadful Potions assignments.

In answer to your enquiry, I was never attempting to court you. My earlier letters were desperate distractions. I’m not going to let a schoolboy crush rule my entire life. You may be disdainful of my hair, but I assure you it is shiny and attractive, whereas yours has to be housing some small woodland creatures. Since your hair has seemed only to have gotten worse as the years progress, I’d assume you’re having quite a lot of sex, but that’s just mathematically impossible.

I’ve got an interview for a Ministry job in an hour or so. Improper Use of Potions in the DMLE, believe it or not. If I am hired, it will mean we will be colleagues, as Potions Specialists often work with Aurors when a case necessitates it. All personal feelings aside, I hope we can establish a cordial and professional relationship. Unless, of course, you fancy the idea of Robards’ wrath after you, inevitably, try to hex me.

Malfoy

PS: Malfoys don’t settle for bad sex. Let that be known.

~

12 December 2000

Malfoy,

I’m convinced that I have entirely the worst luck in all of Britain because my next case involves a heavy sleeping draught, a smuggling ring of an illegal potions ingredient, and, apparently, you. Robards must have laughed his ass off when he decided to assign you to my case. “Figured I’d pair up a beginner with one of my best” is what he actually told me, so at least I did nothing wrong.  

Attached is some background for the case. I’ve got a team of Hit Wizards ready when we need them.

Today's Charlie Weasley's birthday, so I'm leaving the office early for the party. If you have any questions, I can answer them tomorrow.

Potter

PS: I’m going to ignore your jibe about my sex life, since you clearly don’t know what you’re talking about. The ladies love me, and the men too, some of them. I might not have hair out of a shampoo advert, but I can get a date, Malfoy.

~

20 December 2000

Potter,

In approximately twenty minutes a statement will be delivered to you on potential potions. I’ve narrowed it down to just two, but one extra ingredient added can change a potion dramatically. Luckily, our plant gives off an interesting magical signature.

In other news, my mum was very excited when she heard that I’d be working with you. When you bailed me out of legal trouble months ago, she was sage and knowing and a bit secretive, but now she has officially lost it. She has asked me to invite you over for tea sometime, whenever you like. I’d just tell her you declined, but she would see through my lie in a heartbeat. My father will be conveniently out of the house, I should mention. Do consider it, although why she wants to dine with you is beyond me.

Malfoy

PS: What the fuck is shampoo?

~

21 December 2000

Hermione,

Malfoy’s invited me for tea at the Manor. He said it was his mum’s idea, but I doubt he’s not trying to force his own agenda upon me. What should I do?

Harry

~

21 December 2000

Harry,

Didn’t you tell me that Malfoy said he’s not trying to hit on you? If you’re right, it’s certainly a very Slytherin thing to do, but he’s different now, somehow. I’ve watched you two working together, and, after everything, I don’t see him as manipulative. You always were suspicious of his intentions even when he did nothing wrong. Sometimes you were right, but sometimes you weren’t. Need I remind you that you were convinced he was the Heir of Slytherin in second year?

Go to the Malfoys’. You ought to know that life isn’t stagnant; Malfoy and his family are just as susceptible to change as the rest of us. Judge Malfoy on the man he is now, not the brooding, brainwashed teen he was.

I was at the Burrow for dinner earlier this evening, and Molly wanted me to tell you that Christmas dinner starts at four. See you then!

Hermione

~

22 December 2000

Malfoy,

First off, shampoo is the Muggle equivalent of a hair-cleansing potion. Dunno why they call it that. My point was that I don’t need perfect hair for people to like me.

I could make it for tea with your mum next Sunday, New Year’s day, around two. She did save my life once, so I suppose I can live through one afternoon with her. Just remember you owe me, so you better not try anything.

Potter

~

23 December 2000

Potter,

Why, Potter, I would never. Despite what you say about your hair, there are far more attractive blokes in London to be found, like the one I just ate breakfast with. All physical features aside, you may have more valor and prestige to your name, but I highly doubt you’re as good in bed as he was.

Mum approved your suggested date and time. Do dress nicely; she will want to be impressed. Surely your Auror salary has afforded you better clothes than the ones you wear to work each day.

Malfoy

~

2 January 2001

 ~~Malfoy~~ Draco,

You do know that kissing me on January 1st doesn’t count as a New Year’s kiss, right? I suspected you had your own reasons for having me over to the Manor, but Hermione said you weren’t manipulative anymore, not that I really thought you were after working that case together.

You’ll come over after work tomorrow, yeah? I’ll open my Floo to the Manor. There’s this great Thai place down the street from my flat that’s even better than the one you recommended me. And just so you know, it’s completely up to you on whether I fuck better than that other guy.

 ~~Potter~~ Harry

PS: I think it’s time we stop using each other’s surnames, yeah?

 


End file.
